My Best Friend...My Daughter

As a parent, and now a grandmother, I have been given the greatest of all gifts. Not only a new grandbaby, but an incredible best friend in my daughter. It was not always like this though.

I have two children now both in their 30s. My oldest child was always lost, unhappy, an outsider...and it broke my heart. It seemed no matter what he did, it was never the right thing, with friends or family members. The only time I ever saw him happy was for about two weeks after he got home from summer camp...then that sparkle just died.

After graduation from high school, he ended up in the service. I thought he might find himself for he had so much to offer...smart as a whip and a heart as big as all outdoors. After getting home from the service, he ended up in a University about 45 minutes from where I was living...then as the story goes...I got a phone call. “Mom, just wanted to tell you that I am transgendered.” My question to him was, “Are you sure you are not gay?” To me, this I could understand, but not transgendered. The next few days were followed by all tears, but I knew in my heart of hearts, that what he had told me was true. Somethings all of a sudden made so much sense, I had just never picked up on all the clues that had been there since he had been a little boy.

I was blessed to find someone in my rural hometown that had just moved there from the west coast that had specialized with the transgendered community. What a blessing. Over several months in working with this gal and with all the incredible gentleness of my son, I was getting there. When I would make a mistake in pronouns, I was very gently corrected. What a beautiful child I had. She had more compassion, caring, and insight into people that most people never have, and I suppose it is what she had been through for all those early years.

About a year later, she moved to the other side of the country. She found new friends, great help, and after several years, had her surgery. I flew to be with her after she got home from her surgery. The most important that I wanted to do when I saw her was to hold her and tell her that I loved her, and for some reason, to brush her beautiful hair. I was so very proud of her. She had begun her new life, new name, and in the body that was truly her. She blossomed. She was finally coming into her own. When her fiancé picked me up at the airport and then saw the two of us together, he remarked that it was like he was seeing double. We could finish each other sentences, thoughts and had the same funny sense of humor.

At the end of that year, one of the best days of my life...I walked her down the aisle and gave her away to her soul mate. They love each other more than words can say, and they appreciate each day that they have with each other. I am now extremely fortunate to live not far from them, as I relocated to their beautiful area of the country where they presently live.

The path that my daughter and I walked together was one of the hardest ones I have ever done, however, I would not have changed one footstep at all. I have watched her blossom into one of the most loving and caring people I have ever known, and we have become the best of friends. I have been so lucky.

I know that many transgendered individuals are disowned by family and friends, and that I will never understand...family is family no matter what. Some may be afraid of what the just don’t understand, but, from a Mom’s point of view, it is definitely their loss. Give them time, they may come around. They do love you, and I know that will never change...they are just lost in something that they are scared of.

Marie